Indianapolis Marriage Counseling

Think You Might Be in a Toxic Relationship? Here's How to Tell.
By Jamie London

 Did your boyfriend or girlfriend ever try to make you look bad, just so they would look better?


Have they ever made fun of you in front of other people?

Sure your boyfriend or girlfriend says they love you - but do they act like it?

Do they act like they don't trust you, always checking up on where you've been or what you've been doing?

Are they always telling you what's wrong with you and saying you should change? And have you done it to please them?

These are all indications that you may be in a toxic relationship. Why do psychologists call it "toxic?" Because just like venom - which is toxic - this kind of relationship can literally make you unwell, emotionally and even physically.

If you do think you may be in a toxic relationship, you may be asking yourself how you got here. I mean, nobody would purposely want to be with someone who hurt them, right?

In fact, toxic relationships evolve over time. They usually start great! You are both delighted and possibly very attracted to each other. Then there's some sort of disagreement or fight, after which you get back together. Everything seems great again... until the cycle repeats itself, over and over again.

You can't possibly see this when you first meet someone new. They seem great, you're happy and feeling like you're falling in love. But as time goes by, and things get more and more problematic, it gets harder to leave.

If you tend to get into toxic relationships, don't treat yourself too cruelly. It may not be entirely your fault. In some cases, people get into these types of relationships because they grew up in toxic households. Psychologists will tell you that we all tend to relive the experiences of our childhood. So if that's you, you may not even know why this is happening.

There are other reasons, of course - poor sense of worth, a desire to care for people in need, a sense of shame that makes you stay rather than cause someone else pain.

But the important issues isn't WHY you're in a toxic relationship; it's how to get out of it.

The first step is to be aware that you don't have to stay. You have a choice. You can stay or leave, it's up to you. Once you can really feel that way (and it might take time), you have to start taking better care of yourself. If your partner is verbally abusive or blames you for everything, speak up for yourself. You may be very surprised at their response when you stop taking their harsh treatment.

Of course, if you simply can't manage to get yourself out of a toxic relationship, you might want to consider therapy. If the reasons are really entrenched, it could be you need a little help to rebuild your self-esteem and break free.

Don't worry. People are able to break free from toxic relationships all the time, and to move on to much healthier, happier relationships.

And in quite a few cases, some couples are actually able to fix their relationship and make it work. That's right. In fact, if both partners are willing to put in the effort, to take the time and treat each other with respect and consideration, most relationships can be saved.

If you just can't get what you need, your partner needs to understand that you're prepared to leave. If you both want to make it work, make an pact and start rebuilding your relationship in a healthier way.

But always remember - the choice is yours.

When it comes to relationships, Jamie London has experienced pretty much everything - wonderful ones, miserable ones, healthy ones, unhealthy ones, a heartbreaking divorce... and eventually discovering real, lasting love through online dating. Now Jamie is committed to helping others. Read Jamie's unbiased, fact-based guide to the best relationship products on the Internet at http://www.RelationshipProductGuide.com.