Often times, during my tenure as a therapist, Ihave witnessed client after client adamantly state, "I'm supposed to be the strong one in the family", "I should not have these feelings or thoughts", and even"I should know what to do in this situation". However, reality would relent that life-changing events or even day-to-day stressors cause strong emotional reactions and a sense of uncertainty making it difficult to cope. To neglect the emotional reactivityor to refuse the uncertainity caused by these stressful events, onlyserve to invalidate one's existence.

Emotional painand confusion arenatural responses.Being strong or resilient does not equal an absence of pain, struggle, or distress. In fact it is these very pains and struggles that leadtoa deeper understanding of strength within a person. Lessons are learned by experiencing struggle, without the struggle the lesson is lost. It has been my experience that resilency is not a trait that some people have or do not have. Rather, it is a combination of behaviors, thoughts, and actions that are learned and developedin response to distressful situations.

Developing resiliency is a personal journey. One approach to building a person's level of resilency may not work for everyone. The objective is tofind your ownapproach and make itwork for you. Consider the following strategies in developing your personal journey to resiliency:

• Make connections with family members or those who care about you by accepting help and support. Join community groups to build connections and reclaim hope. Assisting others can benefit the helper.
• Avoid seeing a crisis situation as unconquerable. It is difficult to try and change or even prevent a stressful event from occuring, but you can change your interpretations and responses to that event.
• Accept that change is inevitable. Certain situations last longer than others but change will always present itself.
• Move toward realistically established goals. Many times people will become stagnate and complain about not achieving a goal. Instead establish a plan of action in order to accomplish the goals set. Remember that regression, at times, is part of the process. Keep looking forward.
• Provide rewards for yourself when growth from an event has occurred. Treat yourself to something healthy and enjoyable.
• Avoid blowing stressful situations out of proportion.
• Pay special attention to your needs and feelings. Practice self-care activities daily
• Some people keep a journal of thoughts and feelings about significant life events. This helps to process what has happened and serve as record of how they were able to cope.
• Other possible suggestions maybe meditation and spiritual practices. These provide an inner connection that influences awareness and establishes hope.

Remember we all face some sort of distress in our life that warrants added support. The key is to finding your wayto the other side, which I've heard is somewhat greener.Thereis alwaysalesson to be taught. Hold tight toeach lesson, becauselessons learned will help to sustain you.

From fear to faith, despair to hope, cowardice to courageous, futility to purposefulness. We all have it within us to survive.

Camishe R. Nunley, LMHC CTS