Indianapolis Marriage Counseling

4 Fighting Tips For Couples
By Doug Scott

 Indianapolis marriage counseling professionals know that couples fight. Thats a fact. But its the way you fight thats important. Many couples yell and scream with no resolution. Some couples get frustrated with one another but dont say anything. Some couples let the awkwardness of being angry float away until it feels like things are better. And some couples fight productively.


These couples know that fighting is a part of relationship but work hard to resolve their conflict and not let it affect other areas of their relationship which might create the need for Indianapolis couples counseling. Below you will find four tips for productive fighting that will help you manage your conflict and resolve your arguments.

Tip One: Know that fighting is okay.

Regardless of the way you fight, know that fighting is normal. It would be unrealistic to expect a couple to never fight. Think about how your parents fought. Was it loud? Did they fight secretly? Did it seem like they never fought? Now, think about how you fight. Is it similar or different?

Tip Two: Refrain from bringing up a subject that could cause a fight at an inappropriate time.

If you are both stressed from long days at work, in a public place, or about to walk out the door, try to hold yourself back from starting a fight. Give yourself more time to process how you are feeling at the moment and think of a time when it would be appropriate to talk to your partner about your feelings. The more you take responsibility for your emotions the more likely your argument will be resolved. Relationships involve two people. You are a part of the fight. Your partner is not solely responsible.

Tip Three: Take time to cool down.

If you or your partner needs a break while fighting, take it. Its okay to walk away and ask for time to think. Its not okay to argue with one another for days on end. Know that having time to think allows you to process what has been said. Try to see your partners view even if its incredibly hard. Find a time in the next 24 hours to come back and continue talking about the argument. Notice that I said talking, not yelling. You should be much more able to talk and resolve your argument after time away.

Tip Four: Find a resolution.

The key to productive fighting is finding resolution. Dont let frustrations and fighting blow over even if that means coming back to the same argument several times until resolution is found. This helps deepen your relationship and tighten your bond. Fighting is actually a means of connection, so fight until you resolve. Come back a million times to the topic if necessary. Each time, try to speak differently or see your partners point of view differently. You need to make small changes to find resolution, and overtime, you will find that having a productive fight brings you closer together.

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